10 Things A Man Should Look For In A Woman

From JP | February 4, 2013 . By Jonathan Pokluda

After a recent sermon on Proverbs 31:30, many guys have asked me, “Do you think beauty isn’t important?” I believe, as the Bible says, that beauty is fleeting. That is a simple, factual truth that we have a really hard time accepting. Is it important? It is important that you can cherish your wife, that you can look at her and see her as an incredible gift. It is important that you can love her sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25), and treat her with respect (1 Peter 3:7).

Monica is the standard of beauty to me. She has become even more beautiful than when I first met her. However, when we’re staying up all night with sick kids, getting thrown up on, and being on mission in an increasingly hostile world, her “good looks” are her least important qualities. As I mentioned last Tuesday, I don’t need a “trophy wife”; I need someone to go to war with me.

I was referring to the “trophy wife” as our modern culture defines it. However, you do want to look for a wife who is “priceless,” and who is the prize the Scripture defines.

10 Things a Man Should Look For (And a Woman Should Be)

In no particular order. Marry a girl who is:

  1. Trustworthy. Is she dependable? Can you be confident she is going to do what she commits to do? (1 Timothy 3:11)
  2. Modest. Fearing God means you are more concerned about what He thinks and says than what people think or say. A woman who fears God would dress modestly rather than show extra skin to get attention from (the wrong kind of) men. (1 Peter 3:3)
  3. Peaceful. A peaceful woman is not about drama, or picking fights, but about pursuing and preserving unity.  (1 Peter 3:4)
  4. Diligent. That is actually what much of Proverbs 31 is about: being a hard worker and taking care of what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. (Proverbs 31:13-18)
  5. Compassionate. Does she care for those in need? (Proverbs 31:20)
  6. Respectful. It has been said that whereas women need love, men need respect. This is displayed in the way she talks to and about others. (Ephesians 5:33)
  7. Submissive to authority. Ah, the “S” word. Women, before you get upset and start talking about equal partnerships, go back and look at #1 on the list of things to look for in a man. (1 Peter 3:1)
  8. Responsible. Does she plan ahead? Does she handle resources wisely? This idea is all throughout Scripture referring to a wife from The Lord. (Proverbs 31:21)
  9. Wise. A wise person makes good decisions and gives good instruction. (Proverbs 31:26)
  10. Committed to Christ. Christ should be the focus of her life. This looks like yielding to His word, being prayerful, living in community, and being committed to a body of believers. If this is there, #1-9 will be there, too. (Galatians 5:22-25)

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10) That’s a trophy wife. That’s the true prize. “Give her the reward she has earned.” (Proverbs 31:31a)

Single men, if you are pursuing God yourself and are ready for marriage, find the most godly woman you know and ask her out. Single girls, if a godly man asks you out and you are open to dating, say yes. If you say no, be honest as to why. Men, be intentional; women, be honest. If you are walking closely with Jesus and dating a girl you can cherish who exemplifies the above, “put a ring on it.”

Guys, anything you would add to this list? Post in the comments below.

– JP

  • The Porch

    We would be happy to connect with you, email theporch@watermark.org if you want to follow-up!

  • The Porch

    We would be happy to connect with you, email theporch@watermark.org if you want to follow-up!

  • RubyCrystal

    All I can say is wow guys!!!! Nice work ! I have read the comments and I love it! I need to be a member of this site! Am single and am Christian, and I have being in the wrong site, where mans are just playing with my feelings and they call them self ” Christians ” ? but after I get to know them? Uufffff! I did loose hope on that, is why I stop talking to the guy I was dating, now am praying asking God for a real Christian who is really walking and serving the Lord. I love to have a wise men, a trustworthy men, peaceful, diligent, bold, compassionate, respectful, lovingcare person, with noble character , in love with God, and committed to CHRIST, I go to a small church, but everyone is merry there,?, do you think I should move to another church??? God bless all of you on this site ?

  • Chris

    What if you found a girl with all these qualities but you simply weren’t that attracted to her but she was to you? Should you choose to overlook the lack of attraction because she fits everything else??

  • The Porch

    Hi Daisy,

    Thank you so much for reaching out. Do you have a group of women you meet with regularly to process struggles and encourage one another in your relationship with Christ? While marriage can be great and sharpening, we believe that when Jesus died on the cross and was raised to life again three days later, He made a way for us to be whole and new without anything extra, and that He alone can meet all of our needs and help us in our time of need. Our program Re:generation is designed to help work through hurts, habits and hangups and find the freedom and healing that God desires for us now!

    Here are some other helpful resources:
    Singleness is a Gift from God

    We would love to answer any more questions or help you get connected. Please feel free to email theporch@watermark.org. Thank you Daisy, praying for you!

  • Daisy

    I am Christian Single Woman that suffers from Deppression and has anxiety disdorder yet filled with The Holy Spirit soon to be 41. I get a stomach ache as I read what I should be like in Christ to be a Godly wife because of my challenges. How can I view a godly man considering me with confidence and hope?
    Differentt Note: I am not a fitness guru but attractive.
    I am the kind of woman that could use a partner to help me get better and do better as I have potential as One who Loves Jesus and one who desires to enjoy life…. I Love the little things in Life.

  • Kathy

    Bill, a good book to read is “Divorce and Remarriage in the Church” by David Instone Brewer.

  • Bill

    I’m very happy to read about all the feelings and emotions that go into a marriage. I noticed no matter how the conversation starts God is always in the first part of the statements. That’s great. I have two questions of need to help my thoughts if you can.
    Change the word (sex) to (pleasure) seem more fitting to me. You info is greatly appreciated.
    Myself being divorced is not easy to use the term remarriage (which most people want comment about. Yes I fear GOD completely in my heart and my life. I get told if God can forgive (anything) would GOD change his heart to a SINNER who failed in his marriage.
    Thanks Bp

  • The Porch


    Thank you so much for reading the Porch Blog and commenting. We would love to help you! We’ve found the best way to process through decisions like this is with a group of people who love the Lord and know you well. We believe commnity is one of the best and most helpful ways the Lord speaks into our lives. Are you already plugged into a church and in a community group? If not, would you want us to send you some information to where you could find some men to come around you and walk through life with you? Another helpful step would be to check out Merge. Please feel free to email us at theporch@watermark.org if we can help you with community, or if you have any more questions!

  • enockboamah

    Am a Godfearing guy but find it difficult to proposed to a girl into marrying her..because whenever i think of proposing it makes me feel the girl will not accept and it will discourage ..i dont know what to do and dont know what is wrong with me…what are the steps for me to take??..

  • Tamza

    Thanx guys for your messages they are a path for a good direction it only left on my side which way to take but unfortunetly I’m already half way to marry.

  • Abdulrahman

    Marriage is not just sex. It’s about building a family, it’s about having a partner who will act as your backbone when you go through difficult situations, it’s about having a trustworthy partner who will never cheat or betray you. Choosing what type of kids you want to have, depends upon your partner. Your kids will be raised by the both of you, so when choosing your lifelong partner you have to consider his/her qualities. Of course physical and facial beauty is also important but that’s not the only thing to look for in for a wife/husband. You would want a partner who would look beautiful to your eyes as well as to your heart. Deciding the right partner is not an easy thing to do, it’s a lifelong decision. And remember there is no marriage without problems, every marriage has its problems, God wants to test your patience, as along as you are married you have to be patient, both husband and wife, sacrifices have to be done from both.
    And take this advice from me : “permatrial sex is the most destructive thing in a marriage. Never never do this mistake ! Wait until you get married and God will grant you the very best marriage for you. “

  • David Marvin


    That is a great question. We would not encourage anyone to marry (or date someone) they do not enjoy being around. Because marriage is a life-long commitment you will want to genuinely enjoy being with them. If you are dating and already do not enjoy the person, you should likely hit the brakes on moving forward into marriage.

    But if the person you are dating/pursuing has the qualities above, they have character that will not fade (unlike physical beauty which will- Proverbs 31:30). Personality, and preferences are important, but a woman who fears the Lord is worthy of praise and pursuit. Hope that helps. If you want further thoughts on dating and relationships check out these two series on dating:


    Hope that helps!

  • Bob

    Should a person marry someone who more or less meets the criteria you set out, but who you have no real joy in being around? Genuine question. It seems to me personality is significant.

  • Wilbert Maridadi

    Thanks for this wounderfull message about relationships, a good marriage stars from a good choosen by GOD fiends.

  • Koljonen


    Talk it through with her. Let her know where you stand and why it’s so important you are on the same page spiritually. As important as it is that you marry the “right” girl, your girlfriend now has an eternal soul and God has you in her life right now. Ask her why she goes to church with you but not without. Ask her where she stands with Christ, and help point her to Christ. If you both grow closer to God together then great if not, then part ways, but always point her to Christ and leave her “better” than you found her.

    Prayer and a single minded vision on Christ is the only way to know the right direction in life. Best if luck mate.

  • Dude

    I have to say this is one of the hardest things to accept for me. I am a single, Christian man that is trying to remain abstinent until marriage. It is very difficult for me to think about marrying a woman to whom I am not physically attracted, after waiting so long to have sex. To me it seems that it would be better off not to get married at all.

  • Attah

    I think this message will help guys to be careful in making a good decision before marriage.

  • James Mangue

    This site really help me with my relationship through GOD

  • JP

    I would plug deeply into a church (membership, service, and small group). I would then, only date someone who was also plugged deeply into a church (not simply attending), and running hard after Jesus (not simply a stated “Christian”).
    This will save you much heart-ache and honor The LORD.
    2 Cor 6:14

  • DJ

    If you are dating someone and you don’t exactly know where they stand spiritually. How should you approach the situation? She goes to church with me whenever I ask her to, and wants to go with me, but does not go when she is not with me.
    I have been dating her a while and now things are serious, but I do not think she meets #10. Now that I have let things go this far, what do I do? Try to get her involved or cut it off?

  • Ann

    Folks, sex is NOT the most magical , incredible, be-all, end-all of male-female relationship. Get over it. Sex is fun, it serves a purpose by providing physical and emotional satisfaction (when done right). Sex is just another form of intimacy. What about folks who can’t, or don’t have sex with their spouse. What about medical conditions that get in the way of sex? Do those couples not get to experience intimacy?
    For the record. I encourage people to wait for sex, I waited for sex, and yes, I think it’s fun. But my relationship with my husband will hopefully be rich and fulfilling even during the times that we can’t or don’t have sex.

  • Jefferson B.

    Cohabiting before marriage makes no sense mainly because you’re taking away the mystery and magic of getting to know your spouse on an intimate level. When you’re living together as a couple, chances are you and your partner are thinking you’ve mastered hundreds of sex positions together. This is The Enemy’s classic way of tricking you such that by the time you do get married, sex becomes just another monotonous, run-of-the-mill activity.

    God didn’t design sex for you to just go through the motions (no pun intended). He designed it to be the most beautiful, stimulating, memorable experience a husband and wife could ever share with one another.

    Cohabiting, along with premarital sex, is like reading the online spoiler pages of a new-released movie you’re excited to see. Once you’ve actually seen this movie, it’s not as appealing as you had anticipated because the thrill was taken away when you read the spoiler page.

    So, when that same element starts taking place in marriage, you or your spouse could begin to seek other avenues that lead to adultery which, in turn, leads to divorce. Therefore, Scripture, statistics, and logic show that cohabitation is a bad idea.

  • The Porch


    Hey bro! This is David Marvin from Watermark That is a good question, one that we get often. We believe it is in the best interest of the couple to NOT live together. Not only for them as a couple, but also for themselves and their relationship with God.

    Studies oddly enough show that couples who live together in any way are significantly more likely to end up divorced. Rather than helping the relationship in the long run, it tends to be a factor in destroying it. The scriptures say that we are to “guard our hearts above all else, because all we do flows from it” (Prov. 4:23). In moving in together we begin to form experiences and share life with a person of the opposite sex in a way that we are intended to share with a wife.

    Sadly in the world we live most people think “there is nothing wrong” with living together before you are married. We believe there is nothing right about it, based on the scripture and statistical analysis. Does that make sense?

  • Allison H.

    Michael, f’real, what you’re describing is basically asking someone to commit while holding them at arm’s length. And that’s not a healthy relationship dichotomy in general, but it certainly doesn’t line up with the picture of Christ as groom and church as bride. Just like “trying Jesus out” doesn’t really work (because salvation is about laying down your *whole life,* never to be picked up again), Jesus doesn’t ask us for a trial period before he’ll claim us.
    Marriage, as Kevin said, is about a commitment, a commitment to self-sacrificial love, love that is patient, kind, forgiving, and that rejoices in the truth. Even when the truth is ugly. We’ve all got ugly parts. You, me, whoever you end up marrying, whoever you would end up living with trying to “figure it all out.” When you give yourself an out like that, you may be missing out on a chance to see commitment and unconditional love do a mighty work in someone’s life. Praise God Jesus didn’t take that out in the garden, amen?

  • Kevin McConaghy

    Michael – your question makes me curious – what deal-breaker do you think you might find by living together that you would not be able to find by spending time together, going through premarital counseling, etc.? You might discover she snores, or some quirk, but I would think that all marriages require a large amount of forgiveness, and that love is always about selflessly serving an imperfect person. That’s why marriage is a commitment; if everything was perfect, there would be no reason to leave and therefore no need to commit. Living together seems like you are trying to have the marriage without the commitment, so that you can leave if times get tough.

  • Michael Delgado

    One thing I have always thought. If you are with a woman and in your own mind plan to propose to this woman. What do you think about living together before marriage? Wait for marriage to be intimate, but want to see if you can actually live with this person.