Don’t Crash and Burn in Dating

A pilot’s senses are adapted for on the ground, so when they get in the clouds there are often sensory illusions that occur that can be deadly. When they think they are pulling the plane up, they may actually be nose-diving it into the ocean. One of these sensory illusions is what was said to cause the plane crash that took the life of JFK Jr. It’s in these situations that the pilot cannot trust their feelings, but must rely heavily on the plane’s instruments to define reality. Likewise, I have seen so many young adults get taken away by their feelings in a relationship that they end up crashing and burning. Their head is in the clouds and they are quickly moving toward disaster and taking someone else down with them. Their lives might not be over, but the relationship is and their hearts are left hurt. It is in these situations that we need to learn to trust our God-given instruments

What are the God-given instruments of dating?

1. His Word, the Bible
   This is not an outdated book. It has much to say about relationships, sex, marriage, men and women . Its principles are timeless and apply to our lives today. It tells us what to look for in a man or a woman. It tells us what God’s design for marriage is (Ephesians 5:21-33). If that is the end goal, the Bible informs much of the steps we can take to get there and how to have a marriage that will last. So many young adults say that they believe that all scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, correcting, rebuking and training in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16), but then they don’t read it. Which means they don’t believe it, right?

2. Prayer
   You have access to The Sovereign Creator of the Heavens and Earth. When you are looking for someone to spend your life with, don’t put that primary relationship on the backburner (Matthew 6:33). God knows if you will marry, when you will marry, and who you will marry. Think about that – God knows who you will marry and when (and maybe the more concerning, if you won’t). So, if you want to know – ask Him (1 John 5:14). And while you’re asking Him, ask Him to align your heart with His desires (Philippians 4:6-7) (Romans 12:2). And while you’re praying to know your spouse, why not pray for your spouse – that The Lord would protect them and help them, and know them, and use them, and place them in your path and give you eyes to see them (and give them eyes to see you) (1 Thessalonians 5:17). All of those seem like reasonable prayers. Just make sure you love God more than the relationship you are praying for (Matthew 22:37-38).

3. Community
   If you’re familiar with The Porch or our church, Watermark Community Church, you know we talk about community a lot. It’s our middle name. So, what’s the big deal about community? You need men or women around you, respectively, who know you and love God and who love you and know God. These people should help guide you. You have the Holy Spirit. They have the Holy Spirit. That same Holy Spirit, should help guide you down the path of God’s will. Often God makes known to man His mysteries through other people yielded to Him. If you do not have an active community group that you are being open with and meeting with regularly, you have HUSHED an avenue that The Holy Spirit works through in your life. Why would you tell God to “be quiet”? Don’t do that. If you disagree with everyone in your group, there’s a good chance you’re wrong (Proverbs 28:26). However, the church is here to help guide and protect you, so you could always loop in a pastor to help them or you see what God’s best is in a situation.

When your head is in the clouds, and your heart has drifted toward someone, make sure you have something other than “feelings” to make decisions off of. Make sure that “something” is rooted in the eternal truths that Our Creator has entrusted to us. It’s no wonder why so many relationships in our pasts have ended poorly. It’s no wonder why so many people crash and burn at marriage. If we have not daily sought The Lord’s guidance through His word and prayer, and regularly invited other Christians in to help us, we are not equipped to make good dating decisions (or any decisions). Don’t wait until the next time you “catch feels” to set up these instruments in your life. Why not start today?

– JP