Don’t Date This Man

From JP | February 18, 2013 . By Jonathan Pokluda
Don't Date This Man

As part of our Cupid series, I listed some things a woman should look for in a man. These were traits that good husbands tend to have, and are things that guys should strive to be.

Even good guys won’t be perfect, and won’t fully do those things 100% of the time. Any real relationship must include forgiveness, and having a successful marriage requires a lot of forgiveness. Before committing to marriage, though, you don’t want to overlook too many red flags. Because although there are positive characteristics you should look for in a guy, there are also negative traits that you should avoid. And though I do desire for you to be in a relationship, I want it to be a healthy relationship.

So, if you are considering going down the dating road with someone, here are 10 signs that you should probably take a U-turn and look somewhere else.

10 Signs You Are Dating the Wrong Guy
In no particular order. Girls, avoid marrying a guy who is:

  1. Unknown. To make dating simpler, remember that the pool of people available for you to date is probably a relatively small group. If you don’t know who they are and what they are about, you can’t consider whether they have the important characteristics you are looking for.  (Proverbs 18:17)
  2. Sexually immoral. Basically, this means he is not willing to set boundaries and wait until marriage for the pursuit of sexual pleasure. If he appears to be a godly guy until he gets you alone, he may just be a good actor. (Ephesians 5:3)
  3. Arrogant. Is he willing to admit when he is wrong? Does he listen to and respect your opinion? (Psalm 119:21)
  4. Insecure. Does he focus on his inadequacies or the inadequacies of others? Does he put others down in order to feel better about himself? (2 Timothy 1:7)
  5. Dishonest. I don’t think this one really needs any explanation. (Luke 16:10)
  6. Passive. Does he let you know where you stand, or leave you guessing about the relationship and his intentions? Does he even know what his intentions are? Guys, this is a big part of that ambiguous “leading well” term you keep hearing about. (1 Timothy 3:12)
  7. Selfish. Does he focus mostly on what he has and what he wants? Is his status or reputation his primary motive? If he is focused on self and does not consider the needs of others, he will fail miserably at loving his wife as Christ loved the church. (Ephesians 5:25)
  8. Unforgiving. Does he hold grudges? We have all been forgiven much and should therefore be willing to forgive others. (Matthew 18:21-22)
  9. Angry. Does he “blow up” at little problems? Trust me, there are going to be a lot of little problems in marriage. And let’s go ahead and institute a “one strike” rule: if he strikes you once, he’s out. (Proverbs 22:24)
  10. An unbeliever. If you are following Christ, then this is non-negotiable. Put away your excuses or justifications. We’re talking about contrasting worldviews that are (or should be) at the heart of everything you do in life. If you are a believer and are willing to marry someone who does not believe in God, then you need to ask yourself what you are a “believer” in. (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Men, if you see yourself in any of these items, now would be the time to work on correcting those problems. Next week, we’ll have a list of things for you to avoid when dating.

Women, what things have served to sabotage your past relationships?


  • Ryan

    I agree high morals and being honest and being selfish are three of the most important things. Some things can be worked on but morals and honesty cannot be faked.

  • MJ

    Fabulous series. I’m sharing all of these with the Future Marriage University (FMU) community at https://www.facebook.com/FMUniversity.

  • Kym Cobb

    I dated a guy for four years it was horrible but I thought becsuse of my age it was the last chance I had for a relationship. .he lyed abused and cheayed on me and he distroyed my finances. Now am here to clean up the mess at 55..I was a fool not to go by biblical principles. We where so unequally yoked.

  • Stef

    great list! and so true. About unbeliever, have to say that I I ahd a relationship with a man who wasn’t or who didn’t want to believe in God..and I had so much faith that I will change him and make him see the power and beauty of God..now, I am single and I raise my child alone, without any help from him..he doesn’t call and ask about our son(Luca) and not even send an email for his Birthdays..So, I had the “luck”to find the person who meets all the points of ur list. And all his behavior is because he doesn’t want to believe in God. If he did, our situation would be so different, in a positive way. So, girls, be carefull and accept only persons who are believers!
    I’m so happy I found this blog! 🙂
    Stef, from Romania.

  • Kevin McConaghy
  • Tony

    Focusing on what you don’t want will never lead to what you do want.

    If someone told me they didn’t want to go to New York City, I still have no idea what their intended destination is….

    Neither do they.

    Too many people focus on what they don’t want, never getting clearly focused on what they DO want.

    1. Get clear on what you DO want.
    2. Be committed to that goal, instead if avoiding what you are afraid of.

    Avoiding the devil won’t lead you to God.

    Focusing on God will keep you away from the devil.

    My humble opinion.

  • Jamie

    You could not have said it better tonight! Marriage has lots of difficulties and trials and tribulations. Dating is practice to marriage. If one bad thing happens don’t quit, BC once in a covenant marriage, quitting is not an option. You work through problems. In life, problems will come and go. Your “soul mate” will go to war with you not fight you. Truly inspired tonight. Thanks for the re-birth of faith 🙂

  • James

    Number 10 on the list is the most important trait because an unbeliever will have all the other traits, and a believer will repent of all the other traits.

  • Jefferson B.

    Sarah A,
    If I had to choose one, Manipulative/Controlling would fall under #4) Insecurity. Hope that answers your question.

  • Jake

    People can show all of those traits at one time or another. It doesn’t mean that they are those traits. People can get angry, but it doesn’t mean they are filled with anger.

  • Sarah A.

    I really like this list. Thank you JP for
    typing it up. Not sure what this would fall under, but i would say manipulative/and controling could be another trait to look out for.

  • Sydney

    if he hits you once, he’ll do it again. And he could also do it to your children. Never put up with it. I had decided ’til death do us part’, then death almost happened and I changed my mind.

  • Em Loerke

    great post JP. #encouraged #proudofyou

  • Brandon Avance

    Totally agree JP. Everyone of those is valid and a very big red flag. Seen way too many difficulties after the altar due to those signs. Girls, You will get the standard you require. Set your standards high.

  • Jen

    Wow. You just described my ex-husband. I wish I could have read this years ago.

  • Denise

    We cannot wait for the Porch tomorrow!
    JP, what is the topic that you have ready for us for tomorrow?

  • Anonymous

    Yes, people make mistakes but that shouldn’t be an excuse. If someone is anything on that list, then they are probably not ready for a relationship. Why mess up someone else’s life because you don’t have it all together?

  • JP

    I completely agree! Marriage is two imperfect people coming together striving to love each other selflessly. Thank you for your comment!

  • Jake

    We must all remember that no one is perfect as well. I don’t disagree with any of these items, but we all should remember that these are practices that have to be pursued daily and people make mistakes.